You've named something so real: that the freedom you were chasing was never geographic. You'd let go of possessions and addresses and still kept editing yourself to fit others — and the true work was there, not on any map.
My own road worked on me in another way. Leaving my country, I thought I knew the world; the more I traveled, the less it stayed the same — how I saw it, and what I saw of myself. It rewrote me, one country at a time.
Thanks for reading and for the comment, Pamela! You just can never predict what awaits you live out in the world. I think it’s been an interesting to see how I see places differently as I gather more experiences and have a better understanding of myself. “It rewrote me…” that sounds exactly it! Thanks again. Love our continued Substack friendship.
I really appreciated this. What stayed with me was the difference between being free on the outside and being free enough inside yourself to stop editing who you are.
The travel, the carry-on suitcase, the plastic bins in your parents’ basement, Paris, Sri Lanka, Antigua, all gave the piece movement. But the deeper movement seemed to be quieter: noticing where you had softened yourself, where you had become easier to fit into someone else’s life, and where that started to feel like a kind of cage.
I especially liked the way the tattoo returned later in the piece. At first, the words felt true but not safe enough to wear. By the end, they became less like a declaration and more like evidence that you had stopped asking permission to be fully yourself.
Thanks for this lovely comment, Patrick! I appreciate your close reading and thoughtful response. You highlighted a key piece in my recent realizations––that the real movement has been internal, not the traveled distances. Thanks again for reading!
Thank you Jen. I really appreciated that part of the piece.
The traveled distances gave the story shape, but the internal movement gave it weight. That felt like the deeper realization: sometimes the real freedom is not where we go next, but whether we can remain ourselves when we get there.
This piece hit my heart and soul @Jen. Thank you for sharing your truth and being so vulnerable about your journey. "It was asking me to stop editing myself." I am so happy to hear that the journey has continued to unfold in a way that allows you to not edit yourself but instead highlight and share all that you are. What a gift to know you.
I think that’s a hard thing to realize, so that you do, tells me that you’re probably already getting clarification. Do you meditate? That was instrumental in helping me.
and also what a coincidence, I also read the book last summer! there are so many great messages in the book, though I feel like I need to reread it in order to apply them in my life.
I loved the part in the book where she explained the death/life/death cycle. a game-changer for me. so I often try to ask myself: what does need to die right now? in order for something new to grow?
This resonated with me in a way I wasn't expecting. I have moved countries too, traveled a great deal, always restless, always convinced the next place would settle something in me. And there was a period when I genuinely thought leaving my marriage was the answer, because I felt caged, unable to be fully myself within it.
The Wild Woman rejecting anything that asks her to abandon herself, not the relationship itself, is the piece I needed. Because looking back, the caging wasn't coming from my husband. It was self-abandonment wearing his name. I was the one asking myself to get smaller, and it was easier to blame the marriage than to see that.
Your year between wanting the tattoo and finally getting it mirrors something true for me too, knowing a thing and being ready to live it are not the same timeline.
Our other Jen recommended this book to me back in grad school . I’m sorry now that I didn’t read it back then . I even bought a copy and never got to it, due to the craziness of life back then . However , I’m delighted to read your insights and reflection and to hear about this stage for you ! I’ve always admired your confidence and your “can-do” attitude despite whatever life has thrown at you. I think you’re brave and I love this life for you! I shall put this book on my reading list right away!
I love that Jen recommended that. I think you’d love the book, much as Jen predicted. Thanks for reading these, and I always remember you saying something to me about things always working out in my life. That’s something that has stuck with me after all these years!
Two years ago, I started reading this book. Such a powerful transmission. I had to stop at chapter 5. It's been a few weeks and it keeps popping up here and there. So thank you! Your article has just given me the push to take it off my bookshelf and keep on reading it. I am ready for the next chapter.
You've named something so real: that the freedom you were chasing was never geographic. You'd let go of possessions and addresses and still kept editing yourself to fit others — and the true work was there, not on any map.
My own road worked on me in another way. Leaving my country, I thought I knew the world; the more I traveled, the less it stayed the same — how I saw it, and what I saw of myself. It rewrote me, one country at a time.
Thanks for reading and for the comment, Pamela! You just can never predict what awaits you live out in the world. I think it’s been an interesting to see how I see places differently as I gather more experiences and have a better understanding of myself. “It rewrote me…” that sounds exactly it! Thanks again. Love our continued Substack friendship.
I really appreciated this. What stayed with me was the difference between being free on the outside and being free enough inside yourself to stop editing who you are.
The travel, the carry-on suitcase, the plastic bins in your parents’ basement, Paris, Sri Lanka, Antigua, all gave the piece movement. But the deeper movement seemed to be quieter: noticing where you had softened yourself, where you had become easier to fit into someone else’s life, and where that started to feel like a kind of cage.
I especially liked the way the tattoo returned later in the piece. At first, the words felt true but not safe enough to wear. By the end, they became less like a declaration and more like evidence that you had stopped asking permission to be fully yourself.
Thanks for this lovely comment, Patrick! I appreciate your close reading and thoughtful response. You highlighted a key piece in my recent realizations––that the real movement has been internal, not the traveled distances. Thanks again for reading!
Thank you Jen. I really appreciated that part of the piece.
The traveled distances gave the story shape, but the internal movement gave it weight. That felt like the deeper realization: sometimes the real freedom is not where we go next, but whether we can remain ourselves when we get there.
This piece hit my heart and soul @Jen. Thank you for sharing your truth and being so vulnerable about your journey. "It was asking me to stop editing myself." I am so happy to hear that the journey has continued to unfold in a way that allows you to not edit yourself but instead highlight and share all that you are. What a gift to know you.
Thanks so much, Mel! Our lives have so many parallels, so I'm happy that this resonated. A gift for me, too!
What a gift it is to find alignment and friendship amongst all of the parallels! ✨ I appreciate you!
" but I still struggled to distinguish between what I genuinely wanted and what I believed I should want..."
Thanks for finding me right where I am at the moment...
I think that’s a hard thing to realize, so that you do, tells me that you’re probably already getting clarification. Do you meditate? That was instrumental in helping me.
I do not. I have some dragons I need to slay...
Jen, I’ll be reading this book. It feels like it can translate into so many areas of life. It’s so hard to look inward sometimes. Thank you 🩷
It’s a good book. I think you’ll like it. Ill try you later. miss you!
a lovely piece Jen, thank you for writing it 💗
and also what a coincidence, I also read the book last summer! there are so many great messages in the book, though I feel like I need to reread it in order to apply them in my life.
I loved the part in the book where she explained the death/life/death cycle. a game-changer for me. so I often try to ask myself: what does need to die right now? in order for something new to grow?
always happy to read your words! 🧚🏼♀️✨
Thanks for this comment, Eilin! I just found a copy here in Guatemala and am going to reread it. The part you mention is an idea I think about a lot.
This resonated with me in a way I wasn't expecting. I have moved countries too, traveled a great deal, always restless, always convinced the next place would settle something in me. And there was a period when I genuinely thought leaving my marriage was the answer, because I felt caged, unable to be fully myself within it.
The Wild Woman rejecting anything that asks her to abandon herself, not the relationship itself, is the piece I needed. Because looking back, the caging wasn't coming from my husband. It was self-abandonment wearing his name. I was the one asking myself to get smaller, and it was easier to blame the marriage than to see that.
Your year between wanting the tattoo and finally getting it mirrors something true for me too, knowing a thing and being ready to live it are not the same timeline.
Thank you for writing this so honestly.
Geri, thank you so much for this heartfelt comment. It’s so interesting to me that you can also relate to the caging. I wonder how many women can.
And this: “knowing a thing and being ready to live it are not the same timeline.”
Thank you again for reading. I can’t wait for us to meet someday.
Our other Jen recommended this book to me back in grad school . I’m sorry now that I didn’t read it back then . I even bought a copy and never got to it, due to the craziness of life back then . However , I’m delighted to read your insights and reflection and to hear about this stage for you ! I’ve always admired your confidence and your “can-do” attitude despite whatever life has thrown at you. I think you’re brave and I love this life for you! I shall put this book on my reading list right away!
I love that Jen recommended that. I think you’d love the book, much as Jen predicted. Thanks for reading these, and I always remember you saying something to me about things always working out in my life. That’s something that has stuck with me after all these years!
Two years ago, I started reading this book. Such a powerful transmission. I had to stop at chapter 5. It's been a few weeks and it keeps popping up here and there. So thank you! Your article has just given me the push to take it off my bookshelf and keep on reading it. I am ready for the next chapter.
I recently found a copy here in Guatemala and plan to reread it. Love that the book keeps popping up for you. 💫
Girrrrrl! You have wrapped a bow around this insight and wisdom
I love this piece so much
Plan on the-reading this book
Thanks, Beth! You must read the book; you’ll love it.